Stereotypically Defiant

A Gem from August

8/24/04 (KSDK) -- A 5-year-old boy gets the ride of his life after he got behind the wheel of his uncle's Cadillac and drove several blocks. He also got two tickets, one for driving without a license, the other for driving without insurance. Erin O’Neill

Okay, this just goes to show that I was right all along about parents not raising their children. How does a 5-year-old go joyriding? Not, he knocked the car into gear and it rolled. This little menace knew exactly what he was doing. And the cheery anchor people on TV were chuckling. Because a little future thug got started boosting cars at the precious age of 5. Great. Another statistic in three years. Gotta love St. Louis. “Show me people with wild, bad children!”

Was it completely his fault? No, his rocket scientist uncle left the motor running. YET- I posit that, even if this Caddy (and you knew it was going to be a Cadillac) was sitting there, cold, in the driveway, the kid was going to start that puppy up and take her for a spin. So, I can’t fault Uncle Pookie too darn much. He probably just “ran into the house for a second.” Gas prices are unbelievable, but hey! You make enough money to fill a Caddy up and let her idle while you talk to your (maybe) sister.

Regardless, or irregardless, as I like to say when using irony, of the Caddy’s status of activity, the five-year-old genius, I’ll call him Lil Man, got into the vehicle, adjusted the seat to his height—stop laughing. I am dead serious. It was on the noon news! No, really. Stop chortling, this isn’t funny. This kid is dangerous and should be tried as an adult. He adjusted the seat, put on his seat belt, and shifted the car into Drive. The only thing that would have made this tale perfect is if the car was a manual. But, alas, men can’t drive manuals anymore. But that’s another rant.

The criminal drove three blocks, made a U-turn, and drove another 4 before crashing into a stop sign. The wonderful, attentive East St. Louis police gave him two moving violation citations: for driving without a license and without insurance. Later, once they realized this was a local TV story, they called the mother to bring the tickets “downtown” so they could erase them. How about a ticket for the uncle? And the mom, for having a really bad parenting day?

Not to put a political point on it, but if the anti-abortion and birth control folks would spend as much on teaching folks how to parent as they do on bowing their heads in shame in front of PP clinics, I wouldn’t have to go ballistic when I hear mothers say: "I was scared to death. I was nervous the whole day. He went from 36th to 39th, made a U-turn back from 39th to 35th and that's when I caught him. When I tried to cut him off I couldn't because when I tried to he just kept going real fast. I said, he told me you was trying to cut me off so I kept going.” Um, anybody? Anybody? It’s just me? Come on, people! You let a FIVE-YEAR-OLD CHILD IN A CADILLAC DRIVE PAST YOU?! I’m going to have an aneurism behind this. I know it. I keep hitting myself in the head, because I can’t get past the fact that a grown woman saw her son execute a FRICKIN U-TURN, in East St. Louis, and then gun past her INTENTIONALLY! As Jessica Simpson would say, Oh my GAW! And this kid is still walking? Unassisted?

Is it just me, or is this an indicator of how far our society has sunk? People, raise your children right! Damn, how about just raise your children?! Your kids are the whiny annoying ones people glare at in public. Yep, it’s you, and when you start screaming at them, you are the ones looking like Asses, because we all know you aren’t raising your children. Obviously, because they’re boosting cars and hitting you and cursing at you. This is what happens when you don’t follow through on your promises of “Timeout.” Or just don’t scare the bejeezus out of them in the first place. Our moms did it with mere looks. Guess what? Looks don’t get it anymore, sister. You need to layeth the smacketh downeth at home, not at Target.

And, this being America, you know, since the kid was Black, 5- and 6-year-old Black males are going to be profiled for carjackings now. Carjackings are on the increase in St. Louis. Damn kindergartners are just taking over the grand theft racket. It’s starting in the Midwest, but mark my words, America, their network is spreading. Today, St. Louis—next week, Houston. And you seriously want to take your bad-ass children to see “Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2?” Um, someone needs a timeout, and it isn’t your junior gangstas.

posted by brownstocking @ 14:33